Why Do We Find It Hard to Meditate?

What is it about something as simple as sitting in silence and watching the breath that stirs up panic, fear, and even hostility? No matter how many studies prove the mental, emotional, and physical value of being still, there always seem to be more people who refuse to give quietude a chance.

Meditation can certainly be challenging, especially if we're not sure why we're practicing it in the first place. It can feel strange to sit and simply listen to the endless chatter happening inside our heads, and we easily grow bored if we're not doing anything for very long, even just ten minutes.

After years of hearing countless reasons why people find meditation so difficult, we've narrowed the list down to just a few:

1. I'm too busy; I don't have time. This might be completely true if you have small children and a full-time job, and everything that comes with it. But we're talking about maybe just ten minutes a day. Most of us spend more time than that reading the newspaper or mindlessly browsing the internet. It seems we don't have time only because we fill every moment with some activity, and so we never press the pause button.

2. I find it really uncomfortable to sit for so long. If you're trying to sit cross-legged on the floor, then yes, it will be uncomfortable. But you can sit upright in a firm, comfortable chair. Or you can do walking meditation, or yoga, or tai chi. Moving meditation can be just as beneficial as sitting meditation.

3. My mind won't stop thinking: "I can't relax. I can't meditate. I just can't! My mind won't stay still; it flies everywhere! My thoughts are driving me crazy! I try to escape from myself, try not to look inward." Sound familiar?

Surprisingly enough, trying to make your mind stop thinking is like trying to stop the wind: it's impossible. In Eastern teaching, the mind is described as a drunk monkey that's been bitten by a scorpion, because just as a monkey jumps from branch to branch, the mind also jumps from one thing to another, constantly distracted and busy. So when you sit down and try to quiet the mind, you end up encountering all this manic activity, and it seems insanely loud. Really, it's nothing new. You're just becoming aware of it now, whereas before you were immersed in it, unconscious of how constant that chatter was.

This experience of a busy mind is quite normal. Someone once estimated that in a thirty-minute meditation session we can have over three hundred thoughts. Years of a busy mind, years of creating and maintaining drama, years of stress and confusion and self-centeredness, and the mind no longer knows how to be still. Instead, it craves entertainment. It's not as if you could suddenly turn it off while meditating; it just means you're like everyone else.

4. There are too many distractions. It's too loud. Gone are the days when we could disappear into a cave and be left undisturbed until we emerged completely enlightened sometime later. Instead, we all have to deal with the sounds and impositions of the world around us. But, and this is a big but, we don't have to let it impose itself on us. Cars driving by outside? That's fine. Let them go; just don't go with them. The quietude you're looking for is within, not without. The experience of quietude is cumulative: the more you sit, the more slowly the mind becomes quieter, more pleasant, despite any distractions that may be there.

5. I don't see the benefits. Unfortunately, this is where you need to take our word for it. Some people understand how beneficial meditation can be after just one session, but for most of us it takes longer. You might notice some difference after a week, or perhaps a few days of practice. Which means you need to believe enough in the process to stick with it and keep going, even before you reap its benefits.

Remember: musicians need to play for hours before they can hit the right notes, and in Japan it can take up to twelve years to learn how to arrange flowers. Becoming still happens in a moment, but it can take some time before that moment arrives. That's why patience is necessary.

6. I'm not good at this. I never get it right. Actually, it's impossible to fail at meditation. Even if you spend twenty minutes thinking nonstop about meaningless things, that's fine. There's no right or wrong, and there's no special technique. Deb's meditation teacher once told her that there are as many forms of meditation as there are people who practice it. So all you need to do is find the way that works for you, even if you prefer to do it upside down, and stick with it.

The important thing is that you make peace with meditation. It won't help at all if you feel forced to meditate and then feel guilty when you skip your scheduled time or end up doing just ten minutes when you promised yourself thirty. It's much better to practice for a short period and enjoy what you're doing than to sit there with your teeth clenched because you've been told that only thirty or forty minutes will have any effect. Meditation is a companion to have throughout your life, like an old friend you turn to when you need support, inspiration, and clarity. It's meant to be appreciated.

7. This is just some weird New Age fad. It's certainly easy to get lost in the hype of New Age promises of eternal happiness, but meditation itself is as old as the hills. More than 2500 years ago, the Buddha was a dedicated meditator who tried and tested a number of different paths to allow the mind to become still. And that's just one example. Every religion has its own variation on the theme, and all of them reach back through the centuries. So there's nothing new or strange here.

In other words, meditation is not about forcing the mind to stay absolutely quiet. Instead, it's about "letting go" of resistance, of whatever may arise: doubt, worry, uncertainty, and feelings of inadequacy, the endless dramas, fear, and desire. Whenever you notice your mind drifting, daydreaming, remembering the past, or planning what's to come, simply return to now, return to this moment. All you need to do is pay attention and stay with what is. Nothing more.

Originally published at mindful.org