The Fragile Faces of Identity

Our sense of self includes the image we hold of ourselves. The idea of our identity, our status in life, runs deep in our minds and constantly shapes how we relate to others. Even the smallest word that threatens the image we have of ourselves feels unbearable, yet we may have no trouble seeing that same description applied to someone else in different circumstances. If you shout insults or flattery at a rock, the words echo back to you without affecting you in the slightest. But if another person insults you with those same words, it brings you profound disturbance. If we carry a strong image of ourselves, we work hard to ensure it is recognized and accepted. Nothing hurts more than to see it questioned.

But what value does this identity really have? It is worth remembering that the word "personality" comes from persona, which means "mask" in Latin; the mask through which (per) the actor's voice makes his speech resound (sonat). But while an actor knows he wears a mask, we tend to forget to separate the role we play in society from our true nature.

If we happen to meet people in distant countries under somewhat difficult conditions, like a mountain trek or a sea crossing, we feel that during those days of shared adventure, all that matters is that they are our travel companions, carrying only the qualities and flaws they show through the challenges we face together. It hardly matters "who" they are, what profession they practice, how much wealth they possess, or what position they hold in society. Yet if after the adventure these companions meet again, spontaneity often vanishes because everyone puts their "mask" back on, takes up their role and social status as a parent, house painter, or factory owner. The charm breaks, spontaneity disappears. This profusion of labels and tags distorts human relationships because instead of living events as honestly as we can, we behave with affectation to preserve our image.

We generally fear dealing with the world without reference points and feel dizzy whenever masks and titles crumble. If I am no longer a musician, writer, employee, cultured, attractive, or strong, who am I? Yet wearing no label at all is the best guarantee of freedom and the most flexible, light, and joyful way to move through this world. Refusing to be a victim of the ego's imposture does not prevent us from nurturing a powerful determination to reach the goals we set for ourselves or from enjoying at each moment the richness of our relationships with the world and with others. The effect, in fact, is quite the opposite.

THROUGH THE INVISIBLE WALL

How can I use this analysis that runs counter to Western conceptions and assumptions? Until now, more or less, I have functioned with that vague idea that there exists a central self. To what extent does this understanding of the illusory nature of ego put me at risk of changing my relationships with my family and the world around me? Would such a complete reversal not be destabilizing, disturbing?

To these questions one can answer: experience shows that this reversal will only benefit you. In fact, when the ego dominates, the mind is like a bird that wounds itself by striking a pane of glass, the belief in that ego, confining our universe to very narrow limits. Bewildered and stunned by the barrier, the mind does not know how to cross it. This barrier is invisible because it has no true existence; it is merely a construct of the mind. Yet it functions as a wall by fragmenting our inner world and interrupting the flow of our altruism and our joy in living. If we had not fabricated the glass of ego, this wall would not exist and would have no reason to be. Attachment to ego is linked to the suffering we feel and that we inflict on others. Abandoning our fixation on our personal image and ceasing to give so much importance to the ego means gaining enormous inner freedom. This allows us to approach all beings and all situations with naturalness, benevolence, strength of spirit, and serenity. Expecting no gain and fearing no loss, we are free to give and receive. There is no longer any reason to think, speak, or act in an affected, selfish, or inappropriate way.

Clinging to the confined universe of ego, we tend to worry only about ourselves. The slightest setback disturbs and discourages us. We are obsessed with our successes, our failures, our hopes and our anxieties, making it nearly impossible to reach happiness. The narrow world of ego is like a cup of water into which we throw a pinch of salt; the water becomes impossible to drink. If, on the other hand, we break through the barriers of ego and the mind becomes like a great lake, that same pinch of salt does not alter its taste in the slightest.

When ego ceases to be considered the most important thing in the world, it becomes much easier to feel interest in other people. Perceiving the suffering of others doubles our courage and determination to work for their wellbeing.

If ego truly constituted our deepest essence, it would be easy to understand our unease at the idea of freeing ourselves from it. But if it is nothing but illusion, liberating ourselves from ego is not to tear out the heart of our being, but simply to open our eyes.

Thus it is worthwhile to dedicate some moments of our existence to letting the mind rest in inner calm; this will allow us to understand better, through analysis and direct experience, the place ego occupies in our life. While the feeling that ego is important holds the reins of our being, we will never know lasting peace. The very source of pain will remain intact in our deepest self and will deprive us of the most essential of freedoms.

Excerpt from the book "Happiness: The Practice of Well-Being" by Matthieu Ricard.

Sources of Inspiration:

"When a rainbow appears bright in the sky, you can contemplate its beautiful colors, but you cannot grasp it and wear it like clothing. The rainbow arises from a conjunction of different factors, but nothing in it can be grasped. The same is true of thoughts. They manifest in the mind, but they are devoid of tangible reality or intrinsic solidity. There is no logical reason, then, why thoughts, which are insubstantial, should have so much power over a person; there is no reason for you to become their slave.

The infinite succession of past, present, and future thoughts leads us to believe that something exists there in an inherent and permanent way. But in truth, past thoughts are as dead as corpses, and future thoughts have not yet arisen. So how could these two categories of thoughts that do not exist constitute an entity that is existing? And how could the present thought rest upon two nonexistent things?

Yet the emptiness of thoughts is not simply a void, as one might say of space. There is presence there, a spontaneous consciousness, a clarity comparable to that of the sun which illuminates landscapes and allows us to see mountains, paths, and precipices.

 Although the mind is endowed with this intrinsic consciousness, to say that there is a mind is to affix the label of reality to something that is not real; it is to announce the existence of a thing that is only a name given to a succession of events. We can call "necklace" the object made of stones strung on a thread, but this "necklace" is not an entity endowed with intrinsic existence. When the thread breaks, where is the necklace?”

Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche

"Little by little, I began to recognize the fragility and ephemeral nature of the thoughts and emotions that had disturbed me for years, and I understood how, by fixing on small annoyances, I had transformed them into enormous problems. Simply by sitting and observing how quickly and, in many ways, how illogically my thoughts and emotions came and went, I began to see directly that they were not as solid and real as they seemed. Then, as soon as I began to abandon my belief in the story they seemed to tell me, I gradually perceived the "author" hidden behind them: the infinitely vast, infinitely open consciousness that is the very nature of mind.

Any attempt to describe with words the direct experience of the nature of mind is destined to fail. All that can be said is that it is an infinitely peaceful experience and, once stabilized by consistent practice, is almost unshakeable. It is an experience of absolute well-being that permeates all physical and mental states, even those normally considered unpleasant. This sense of well-being, independent of the fluctuations of sensations from within or without, is one of the clearest ways to understand what we mean by "happiness."”

Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche

"The nature of mind is comparable to the ocean, to the sky. The ceaseless movement of waves on the ocean's surface prevents us from seeing the depths. If we dive down, there are no more waves; it is the immense serenity of the bottom. The nature of the ocean is unchanging.

Look at the sky. Sometimes it is clear and limpid. Other times, clouds accumulate, changing our perception of it. Yet the clouds have not changed the nature of the sky. [...] The mind is nothing other than nature completely free. Let us remain in the natural simplicity of mind that transcends all concepts.”

Pema Wangyal Rinpoche