Overcoming Stress by Witnessing the Joy of Others

One afternoon, as I walked into my classroom to teach my course on the Science of Stress, I found a newspaper waiting for me on the shelf. A student had brought an article titled "Stress: It's Contagious." The piece claimed that stress is "as contagious as any airborne pathogen" and compared its toxicity to secondhand smoke.

Because I study both stress and empathy, I'm often asked about this research. Does it mean that empathy is a burden, increasing our risk of becoming exhausted, depressed, or depleted? If you're highly empathetic, are you destined to become a reservoir for others' suffering and pain? The newspaper article described a study showing participants experiencing stress acquired through empathy while observing someone else suffer. One researcher commented, "it was surprising how easily the stress was transmitted."

One solution is to build stronger emotional barriers; to wear a psychologically sealed suit protecting yourself against possible contagion when exposed to others' stress and suffering. I've seen this approach adopted by many people in helping professions, such as healthcare, social services, and teaching.

If you also feel overwhelmed by how you're affected by others' emotions, I'd like to offer an alternative for protecting your wellbeing: strengthen your capacity for empathy. Rather than trying to become immune to others' stress, try increasing your sensitivity to catching others' joy.

The benefits of positive empathy.

While psychological science has focused largely on empathy for negative states, a new field of research, called "positive empathy," shows that it's also possible to catch happiness.

You've probably seen studies showing that when you observe someone in pain, you can activate the pain system in your own brain. But it turns out your brain also resonates with positive emotions. For instance, when you witness others' good fortune, it can activate the reward system in your brain. What's more, this kind of contagious happiness can be an important source of wellbeing. The tendency to experience positive empathy is linked to greater life satisfaction, peace of mind, and happiness. It's also associated with greater feelings of trust, support, and satisfaction in close relationships.

Those around you can also benefit from your empathetic joy. A study examined the empathetic experience of teachers from 14 U.S. states. Teachers who experienced positive empathy more frequently with their students felt more connected to them. This positive attitude led to more positive interactions with their students, as observed by classroom evaluators, and to greater academic achievement by the students.

Most importantly, positive empathy doesn't just make you feel good; it can also inspire you to do good. The tendency to feel empathetic joy is associated with a greater desire to help others flourish and a stronger willingness to act on it. Positive empathy also increases that warm glow you feel when helping others, making compassion much more sustainable.

Look for small moments of joy

"Joy" is a strong word in itself, and so we tend to associate it with classic expressions of happiness that suggest "big joy"; broad smiles, exclamations of delight, hugs, and celebrations. The kind of joy tied to winning the lottery or marriage proposals.

But other forms of joy exist all around us. As you begin to look for joy, you start to notice there are many kinds of it. There is the joy of pleasures, simple or sublime, like savoring a delicious meal, listening to music, or enjoying the feeling of holding a baby in your arms. There is the joy of purpose, the feeling of contributing, of hard work, learning, and growth. There is joy that comes from feeling connected to something larger than yourself, whether that's nature, family, or faith. There is the joy of wonder; being curious, experiencing new things, and feeling fascination or surprise.

There is the joy of being recognized and appreciated by others; understanding what you have to offer and knowing that you matter. There is the joy of being your best self; how good it feels to use your strengths in service of something you care about, or to express your deepest values. There is the joy of having your needs met; being helped, being heard, or being welcomed. There is the joy of laughter, and especially shared laughter, and especially shared laughter when things seem to be falling apart.

These are just some of the possible joys you might witness. When you keep your eyes open to them, you learn so much about how many possibilities there are for delighting in ordinary moments, or even in difficult circumstances.

This is how I think about empathetic joy: as a wellspring that allows you to stay engaged with life not only when things go well, but also when they're complicated. It's not just a practice of celebrating and amplifying the good; it also allows us to sustain hope when we face the reality of suffering and unmet needs.

How to catch happiness

What if, right now, your empathy radar is tuned only to stress, unable to resonate with others' happiness? Perhaps you even feel the opposite of contagious joy: envy at others' success, isolation from their happiness and good fortune, reminded of things you want or miss.

If that's the case, you're not alone. Philosophers and psychologists have observed that for many people, empathy for negative emotions is more instinctive than empathy for positive states.

Fortunately, you don't have to rely on instinct alone; empathetic joy can be cultivated. Like other mental states, empathetic joy can be deliberately trained as a way to deepen your wisdom and wellbeing. With practice, you can strengthen your ability to notice, resonate with, and celebrate others' happiness.

5 daily practices for joy

Here are 5 of my favorite practices for catching joy. As you strengthen your intention to notice joy, you'll surely discover your own preferred ways of witnessing and sharing in others' happiness.

• Watch a child or animal at play. Notice the pleasure in their joy, energy, and fascination. Let yourself smile or laugh as their play awakens a similar spirit in you.

• Watch a sports, artistic, or other competition without choosing a side. Appreciate the effort, skill, or mastery of all the competitors, and celebrate the joy of whoever wins. Feel glad for their success and see how they celebrate with others. See if you can extend your empathetic joy to how they share the moment with their friends, families, coaches, and teammates.

• Help someone celebrate their own joy. If someone shares good news with you, ask them to tell you more about it and listen with your whole heart. If you learn of another person's achievement or life milestone, write them a congratulatory email or Facebook post. Go beyond formal congratulations and really feel the joy in helping someone savor something positive.

• Witness kindness in others. Make it a point to notice when others demonstrate qualities of character like gentleness, honesty, courage, and perseverance. Delight in seeing kindness. Feel genuinely happy about what you observe. Let others' actions inspire you to do good yourself.

• Let someone do something nice for you. This might not seem like a practice of empathetic joy, but it becomes one when you start paying attention to how happy the other person is to help you. Sometimes our own discomfort at receiving kindness, or fear of being a burden to others, gets in the way of seeing that joy.

As Pema Chodron wrote in The Places That Scare You:

Rejoicing in ordinary things is not something sentimental or trite. In fact, it takes courage. Every time we let go of our complaints and allow the blessedness of everyday life to inspire us, we enter the world of the warrior. We can do this even in the most difficult times. Everything we see, hear, taste, and smell has the power to strengthen and uplift us.

From this perspective, it becomes possible to open your heart to what might at first seem like a vulnerability. It becomes possible to open your heart so that your natural capacity for empathy connects you with both the pain and the joy of others, and to trust that this capacity is a blessing and not a burden.

Originally published at mindful.org