Are We Addicted to Chasing Feelings?

Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche is a master of the Nyingma tradition of Tibetan Buddhism, a writer, "abstract" painter, and author of dozens of books including Uncommon Happiness: The Path of the Compassionate Warrior (Makara Press). Born in 1964, he is widely recognized as a contemporary master with deep roots in the ancient Nyingma tradition. He often says that the spiritual path is practice and living, being "flexible, courageous, and exploratory in the face of life's joys and paradoxes." In the passage below, he offers an important reflection on how we can become addicted to pursuing pleasant feelings, to "feel good," and how we might seek a vision that is wider than this:

“When you say, "Oh, I really don't think that person would do something so negative; I trust that person," what are you actually saying? Are you saying that this person will always have only one particular stream of feelings and never change those feelings? No. If a person had a constant stream of feelings all the time, their mind would be more like a computer than a human mind.

If someone always had the same feeling, even if it were positive, like kindness or compassion, and that person were never swayed from that gentleness or compassionate feeling, even if we wanted to trust in it, it would be unrealistic.

So when you say, "Oh, I trust that this person wouldn't do something negative or harmful," you're really saying that the person has a greater capacity to understand what harmful action is and what the consequences of that action would be for themselves and others. So they wouldn't blindly move toward harmful action, but would have some resistance, strength, and self-control to act in the opposite way with certainty and conviction in the right course of action. That's when we can say, "I trust that." So what is the basis of our statement? Are we referring to feelings, or are we basing our thoughts on the clarity of mind and the conviction that comes from the wisdom that clarity provides? I think it's the latter.

What then is a "good heart"? Most people think it has to do with feelings. We think of someone with a good heart as someone who has feelings of compassion or feelings of kindness. Yes, of course feelings (Tib. Tsorwa) of kindness or compassion, or empathetic joy, are positive aspects of a good mind or good heart. But when I really think about someone who has a good mind or good heart, it's their clarity that impresses me most, their clarity and their confidence in that clarity.

Sometimes it seems that Westerners are very caught up in their feelings. Like a hungry ghost always searching for food, they are always searching for feelings in their heart, something that will gratify their existence. It almost becomes an addiction of sorts. Some people are addicted to alcohol, some to cocaine, while others are addicted to feelings. They are very attached to them and try to get what they want through these means. At some point this becomes a disease.

In a way, this is a kind of disease, a kind of dependency in itself. It's called the "feel good" disease, which afflicts many Hollywood celebrities. I think it's one of the reasons why many of them have enormous difficulties with substance abuse and trouble freeing themselves from this addiction to feeling good all the time. One "feel good" is never enough; you want more and more episodes of "feel good." Something can make you feel good for a while, and after some time, what made you feel good no longer works.

So the problem is being always so focused on feelings and constantly searching for some sensation you want to have. Then there's the problem of not being able to have that sensation or feeling, which in turn leads to a feeling of deprivation; instead of focusing on the wisdom and clarity of mind, allowing feelings to come and go. When desirable feelings are there, of course enjoy them! But when they're not present, there's no need to be completely shaken. (…)

So if you can, treat your emotions as something additional, beneficial complementary elements for a positive mind, for a positive heart, and then treat clarity and wisdom as the primary and most important aspect to cultivate. Have confidence in that. If everything depends on feelings, there will be times when feelings might be opposite to where your confidence lies. You might really feel like acting with anger to harm someone. You can feel that way, but your confidence has to guide you otherwise.

Once this confusion has been resolved, (…) we will no longer be a hungry ghost, eternally tossed about by one series of feelings we want and another series we don't want, always hungry for certain feelings and feeling deprived when we can't find them.

On the other hand, I think if someone wants to cultivate the feelings that truly support us, it's important that we understand how feelings are created and how we're able to create them. When they're not there, what are the reasons they're absent. For example, let's say you want to feel inspired and would like to feel engaged in your practice. However, when you don't feel inspired, and that feeling isn't present, perhaps it's because you're tired or because you're rushing, with your mind focused on something else. Then you need to see clearly and say, "Oh, this is what's happening and this is why I'm not feeling the feelings I want." So perhaps it's better to practice when you're not so tired, or when you practice, instead of doing it as an obligation, do it with the right motivation. Then see if you'll also have the desirable feelings.

In the Buddhist world, there's something called seju. Seju doesn't refer to the primary thing in itself that creates an effect or result. Seju means the conditional causes that supplement the primary cause. So if the conditional causes are missing, even though the primary cause is present, that primary cause may not necessarily have the effect it should have. To understand seju you have to understand the secondary conditions. The secondary conditions include the sets of qualities or items you want, as well as those you want to remove. In this way, with this discipline, a person becomes very well-informed.

My point here is that a healthy mind and a good heart arise from a mind of clarity, a mind of wisdom, a mind of conviction in this wisdom that you know to be true.

Of course we all want to feel good, but becoming addicted to it is something different. Wanting good feelings all the time and trying to get them through the external material world, or wanting to learn to work with your own mind so as to perceive the conditions and ways to establish a peace of mind that comes from within, this is a choice. The choice to work with the mind is obtained through your own wisdom, clarity, and confidence. Not only is there no danger in this, but there is also tremendous benefit.

So we should understand what a healthy mind is and what a good heart is, and not treat a healthy mind and good heart as something that is always based on feelings. Sometimes I wonder when people say, "Oh, Gandhi is such a good man with such a good heart; or Mother Teresa is such a good woman and has such a good heart; or His Holiness the Dalai Lama is such a good man and has such a good heart." Does that mean they're always somewhere in calm, kind, and compassionate feelings? Or is there more to them than that? Do they never experience any contrary feelings in their mind, or don't they know how to discriminate and overcome those feelings? Can't they establish the conditions for their minds to feel the way they want, so they're fully engaged? These are the questions I have. I doubt they have this constant stream of emotion, never interrupted, never changing, without the arising of contrary feelings in their minds. I don't believe that because it sounds almost inhuman to me.

What I can really say about them as having great minds or great hearts is that they possess this clarity and wisdom, and the conviction that accompanies it. The feelings are only complementary to that. And that's what I think we want for ourselves as well.”

Excerpts from the teachings series “Developing a Good Heart”