Why True Happiness Isn't About Being Happy All the Time

Over the past twenty years, the positive psychology movement has illuminated research in the field through its science of happiness, flourishing, and human potential. Its argument is that psychologists should investigate not only mental illness, but also what makes a life worth living.

Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, describes happiness as the experience of frequent positive emotions, such as joy, excitement, and contentment, combined with a deeper sense of meaning and purpose. This involves a positive mindset in the present and an optimistic outlook for the future. Importantly, happiness experts have argued that happiness is not a stable, unchanging mark, but something flexible that we can work with and strive toward.

I have conducted happiness workshops over the past four years based on evidence from the positive psychology field. The workshops are enjoyable, and I've gained the reputation of being the “Happy Lady,” but the last thing I would want anyone to believe is that I am happy all the time. Striving for a happy life is one thing, but striving to be happy all the time is not realistic.

Recent research indicates that psychological flexibility is key to greater happiness and well-being. For example, being open to emotional experiences and the ability to tolerate periods of discomfort can allow us to move toward a richer and more meaningful existence.

Studies have shown that the way we respond to the circumstances of our lives has more influence on our happiness than the events themselves. Experiencing stress, sadness, and anxiety in the short term does not mean we cannot be happy in the long term.

The science of happiness. Two paths to happiness.

Philosophically speaking, there are two paths to feeling happy: the hedonic and the eudaimonic. Hedonists embrace the view that in order to live a happy life, we need to maximize pleasure and avoid pain. This view concerns satisfying human appetites and desires, but it is generally short-lived.

In contrast, the eudaimonic approach takes a long-term perspective. It argues that we should live authentically and for the greater good. We should pursue meaning and potential through kindness, justice, honesty, and courage.

If we see happiness in a hedonic sense, then we need to continually seek new pleasures and experiences so we can “boost” our happiness. We will also try to minimize unpleasant and painful feelings to keep our mood high.

If we take the eudaimonic approach, however, we strive for meaning, using our strengths to contribute to something greater than ourselves. Sometimes this can involve unpleasant experiences and emotions, but it generally leads to deeper levels of joy and contentment. So living a good life is not about avoiding difficult moments; it is about being able to respond to adversity in a way that allows you to grow from that experience.

Growing from adversity

Research shows that experiencing adversity can actually be good for us, depending on how we respond to it. Tolerating hardship can make us more resilient and lead us to take action in our lives, such as changing jobs or overcoming difficulties.

In studies with people going through trauma, many describe their experience as a catalyst for profound change and transformation, leading to a phenomenon known as “post-traumatic growth.” Often, when people have faced some difficulty, illness, or loss, they describe their lives as happier and more meaningful as a result.

Unlike feeling happy, which is a transient state, living a happier life is about personal growth through finding meaning. It is about accepting our humanity with all its ups and downs, delighting in positive emotions and drawing on painful feelings in order to reach our full potential.

Originally published at weforum.org