You Are Not Your Reactions: Part 3

Cultivating the kind of detached awareness I mentioned earlier allows us to develop maturity in relation to our emotional reactions. We gain a perspective that is balanced; we stop seeing emotions in black and white terms. And so we discover that we no longer feel the need to react aggressively or judge our own behavior. Rather than suppressing or running from our emotions, they can become the catalyst for our own awakening. And by remaining present with the sensations tied to our reactions, we can truly become like a warrior, confident and authentic.

This same approach also works with fear. If you can simply stay with the fear, remain with the fearful reaction and allow space to discover where that fear comes from, without creating a new chain of reactions, then you begin to feel a real energy awakening within you. As this energy awakens, you are becoming fearless, even with the fear still present, as it slowly transforms into fearlessness.

Depression works the same way. People usually feel so terrible when they are in the depths of it, and of course that is awful at first, before you really understand what depression is. But once you get the hang of it, and once again allow yourself more space to simply permit the sensation of depression, you will recognize how the sensations are often more physical than mental. You might feel that incredible sensation of anxiety in your chest or even a kind of overwhelming fear that the earth is about to open in front of you and drop you into some miserable lower realm.

Depression usually shows up as a physical or chemical reaction. In Tibetan we call this a “wind disturbance”. If you can just stay with it, without creating a chain of reactions, from physical to mental to emotional responses, particularly without reacting with tremendous fear, then you perceive that it is not the solid and terrible thing you may have imagined.

So, without trying to study it conceptually, but rather understanding it through your own experience, suddenly you reach a point where it is not so big. It becomes more like a headache, except instead of being in your head, it is in your chest, right between the ribs or something like that. But it is no longer a big problem. It might even be pleasant to have it because there is so much quality of awakening in it. However, if you are caught by fear, when you are caught in the chain of reactions, then it becomes more solidified and turns into a major difficulty, dominating your world and your senses, and even interfering with your ability to think clearly.

I often have a sensation of depression and heaviness in my chest. Even now I do, but you know, it does not seem so bad. When I experienced this as a teenager, I felt quite awful, but over time the sensation of “this feels so bad” diminished. That sensation now has the quality of awakening. So what I am saying is that it is not necessary to make a big deal out of having sensations. Do not be so afraid of allowing sensations to occur.

This is not like some grand and profound meditation experience I am telling you to have, or the secret to some deep level of samadhi, or anything like that. This is something that arises in our everyday life, and I am trying to emphasize how it could be worked with through a practice of relative mindfulness. In other words, how to use your spiritual training as support.

It is simply giving space, creating space. Try to give space. Learn to give space.

We have a saying in Tibetan about people who have lungta (Tibetan: literally “wind horse”, indicating strong vital energy) and those who do not. People with a lot of lungta wake up and attend first to their hair and head. But people who have no lungta or a low level of lungta reach immediately for their shoes.

Try not to reach for your shoes. Try just to sit and feel yourself in your body and follow your head downward.

This is simply an indication of who is quick, caught in the anxiety of life's demands, and who has more space in their life and tries to be present.

I go for the shoes all the time, so it is not as if I do not do it too, but this is the saying. My mother used to bring this up to us all the time.

So please, try to do this. And study yourself using these methods I have mentioned here so that you can know more. The diligent meditator is one who returns with their own experience, to reveal more about the subject they have heard explained.

Originally published at Mangala Shri Bhuti